Anonymous asked: Who do you pray to? what name do you use?
When I was in LA, I heard the voice of Christ in my heart. I remembered that as a child, at Methodist Church, I was told to pray to Christ ‘in my heart’, whereas a friend in the Church of Christ was told to imagine Christ beside him. Because my PTSD damaged my heart-mind as well as my other organs, my suspicion is that I was reconnected to Christ as a sort of, ahem, save-state, a figure which existed on my body before my trauma and could help me re-integrate towards, but perhaps not beyond the level of bodily integrity which I experienced while I was a Methodist. I do Qi Gong routines such as touching my body, remembering the bad feelings associated with each organ/limb, and asking Christ to guide me to Sophia, which is the clear field. Other mystics say the mountain is the female Buddha, but Jung and PKD got me there with Sophia. The reason I use Christ is because I see the cross as not only a burden but an act of repentant masochism, and the resurrection as a balancing of taking on too much pain, struggle, and fixedness aka stigmatization. I unconsciously take on pain related to my inner Father figure, and in my Christianity, Christ is atoning for the sins of the Father, YHWH, and his disproportionate power within the family system. An example of this problem would be the Israelites taking on a King (God the Father as Man) in Judges despite God’s warnings. Unfortunately, I broke this Christian technology, so I am just trying to get it back online as a way of accessing my heart chakra, or what I believe is the heart chakra.
Anonymous asked: what do you mean by "work backwards"?
During inner body meditation, painful emotions and blocked chi appears in order of urgency to resolve at times, sometimes the most recent problems appear and you can ‘peel back’ those bodily compressions towards a traumatic root.
So let’s say you are 5, and a bully, or a teacher, with a certain look, gives you trouble. Throughout your life, you encounter people with this look and you experience fear, which causes increased heart rate, avoidance, energy build up in the hands and feet (fight or flight), etc. What you are doing in inner body meditation is sort of allowing these traumatic repetitions to pass through you, in internal Qi Gong aggressively removing them!
Anonymous asked: I realized today that I spend very little time contemplating my life and improving it. As a result I act rashly when I'm confronted by problems :\ any advice?
If you e-mail me I will talk with you and help you. If you’ve been bullied a lot, so that you are highly reactive and can’t keep your cool, compassion meditation is even a martial choice. Keeping your cool means seeing more openings for attack, a more realistic assessment of the danger. I do NOT recommend you take that as your reason, but you see what I’m saying.
By forgiving and having compassion for those that hurt us, we don’t find this excess in others who remind us of them. Work backwards, keep working backwards, keep freeing those ghosts.
Anonymous asked: What would you suggest I do this very moment above all else?
Pay attention to your body and wait for it to give you an answer, if that’s not working, then you might need more specific instructions. You could be thirsty, tired, anxious, and not know why. Make sure to relax. I think the ‘spiritual journey’ is worth it, and I think it’s legitimate. If you create art or music you could do that. You could also do something for another, but my feeling is that it’s wise to attend to our inner struggles when we’re not with others, so that they don’t arise when we are with others and distort our experience of, caring for, our enjoyment of them.
Anonymous asked: Does God believe in you?
I don’t believe in anons. At least not anons with pithy questions.
Send questions to my ask because I am too worried and shaken to write an e-mail to my friends and collaborators.
Forgiveness isn’t just a practice, it is a more or less conscious drive to reduce tensions exacerbated by situations similar to those which have hurt us which put an increasing pain load on our bodies.
Today I was having an alright time, a great time really, on the Blue Ridge Parkway, with my head out the window singing The Mountain Goats, and then I ran into a little girl in the woods. “Dad, he’s stuck!” She’s 50 feet away and she feels my frighteningly blocked energy. “He’s stuck!” I had a flashback to when the blind people at the Braille Institute read my energy and was avoiding looking at everyone for fear I’d give off a bad vibe or they’d feel my disorder. I got more and more scared of myself and of them, and had a panic attack. Two entities that are somehow emergent from the blockages started talking to me and I started turning into my Dad, “I will fucking kill Bernie if you do not help me,” saying “Yes,” to all their accusations, which kept changing in character. I get triggered into a ‘repacking’ of my PTSD when certain events happen, and I am fucked. I go from satori, from emptiness, to this hallucinatory hell. It is very useful, what I’m learning, because it represents these two extremes of closed and open energetic systems which I oscillate between, which means for me non-duality is not subtle, all spiritual experiences are peak in contrast with my troubles.
